Porn for charity, or not

If I don’t survive the next seven hours I’m donating all my porn to charity.

I chipped a tooth the weekend before last. I found only a part of it and it’s sitting on a small square of dark paper in front of me as I write this. Initially used as a reminder to call the dentist,  now it causes me to ponder the evolution of the tooth in land animals. Has there been any? Don’t dinosaur teeth follow the same blueprint as our teeth?

I think the basic structure of teeth, if not their actual shape and size, remains unchanged since…well, since they evolved millions of years ago. And normally I would be fine with that if I weren’t looking at part of one sitting on a dark square of paper in front of me, where it absolutely should not be.

This tooth I’m staring at… I’m certain it should have progressed beyond the I-can-break-and-cause-you-immense-pain stage by now. Like, way long ago.

But no.

In an amazingly short period, this tooth has gone from something that scratches my tongue when I talk to an evil thing spreading agony from the original break down into my jaw and over to my ear.

It takes no imagination at all to visualize some worm-like creature chewing its way from tooth to ear, much like a scenario in a show I saw a long, long time ago. (Something along the lines of The Outer Limits or The Twilight Zone but, apparently, neither of those.) Said story involved a man who lived in the jungle suffering excruciating pain as a worm worked its way from one ear to the other. When the worm exited his ear and the patient awoke feeling fantastic, it was discovered the worm was female and had laid eggs in his brain.

For those of you thinking “over-the-counter oral anesthetic,” been there, done that, and it worked at first. Few things can resist the numbing relief of 20% Benzocaine in a liquid solution that is Anbesol©. You can now add this particular tooth to that list.

As an aside, the only time you realize how well the “cocktail” of two Excedrin, two Tylenol, two Motrin, and two Aleve worked is when they wear off.

Last night, after my exposed tooth started throbbing in time with my heartbeat, I applied a generous dose of Anbesol. I wasn’t expecting much relief but decided that any relief would be better than none. Wrong move.

No longer a throb, each heartbeat produced such a jolt of searing pain that I literally dropped everything I was holding as tears fell uncontrollably. Each pulse producing involuntary spasms as I lay on the bed, not understanding why this was happening.

I still don’t know why that happened but, as the misery is now more manageable, I’m going to let the proverbial sleeping dog lie. My appointment with the dentist is in six and a half hours. I have never looked forward to being stuck in the mouth with a needle more than I do now. Also, this dentist has nitrous oxide (“laughing gas”) and I’m going to suck that tank dry. While in my N2O disembodied state, I’m going to ask Mother Nature why she did such a bang-up job with genitals but thoroughly screwed up the whole teeth thing.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to finish organizing my porn.  You know, for charity.

iOS > Android

Everything I’ve read explaining why Android surpasses iOS has focused primarily on two things: the number of service providers who have Android phones and the wide range of Android phones available.

Here are the two main reasons why I believe iOS will prove to be the superior choice: the number of service providers who have Android phones and the wide range of Android phones available.

Yeah, I know, but read on.

Each carrier offers several models of Android phones from various manufacturers and they’re continually updating their product line to add the newest models.  The newest and most popular models get the updates first, leaving owners of the older or unpopular phones to fend for themselves.

T-Mobile VibrantI bought the T-Mobile Vibrant (aka Samsung Galaxy S) not too long after it was introduced with much fanfare by Big Magenta, and it came with Android v2.1.  Meanwhile, Google continued to upgrade the Android operating system with enhanced capabilities and bug fixes, but I never received an OTA (“over the air”) update from T-Mobile.  Finally fed up with waiting, I checked the Samsung web site and learned they’d released Android v2.2 four months earlier, so I updated my phone manually.

Version 2.3 has been out for a while and many phones have received OTA updates to it, but neither T-Mobile nor Samsung have it available yet.  At least, not for the Galaxy S.  You see, the Galaxy S has been surpassed by the Galaxy S II, the newest flavor of the month, so it’s no longer a priority.

Getting back on point, Apple Corp. releases updates to their Apple products (iPhone, iPod Touch and iPad) simultaneously.  The OS for all devices is updated at the same time.

Google updates Android, the various cell phone manufacturers compile the code for the models they carry, the service providers send OTA updates based on whatever criteria they set and maybe, just maybe, the phone you have is new or popular enough to warrant being included in the update.

It’s actually worse than getting Windows updates.  Imagine there’s an update to Windows7, but only Dell computers are getting it.  Not just that, but only Dell computers bought at Best Buy.  That’s similar to what’s happening with Android updates and why iOS > Android.

Chicken-fried Steaks

There are three factors that go into making the perfect chicken-fried steak.  It should go without saying, but I’ll say it anyway, that the steak must be tender.  Chewing food that’s tough as shoe leather is unappetizing.  Period.

White gravy, the second of the three factors, should be served on the steak and not on the side.  Why?  If the crispy coating is cooked correctly, it will adhere to the steak and not allow the gravy to soak in.  Should a restaurant serve you gravy on the side without you requesting it, they don’t have a lot of confidence in their version of the chicken-fried steak.

The third component is that fried, crispy coating and possibly the most important of the three.  It is not an easy thing to master the perfect coating.  Too thin and everything turns soggy.  Too thick and it might seem like you’re chewing on bits of cement.  But when you find that perfect coating on a tender steak with white gravy so good you could eat it like soup, you will understand why we Texans (and our neighbors) take our chicken-fried steak seriously.

When I was just a young-un’, that steak was at Beam’s Restaurant in my hometown of Lufkin, Texas.  Mom was an excellent cook, but even she couldn’t match the cook at Beam’s.  It was also the only time she could get me to eat a salad.

Last month I went back to Texas to visit family and discovered T-Bone Tom’s in Kemah.  Well, not so much discovered as “was introduced to.”  That plate-sized steak was so delicious, especially with a side of fried okra and Texas toast.

I’m looking forward to my next trip home and more chicken-fried steak discoveries.  It’s a tough job, but someone has to do it.

2004 ASC SSR

2004 ASC SSR Diamondback
2004 ASC SSR Diamondback with carbon fiber treatments (click image for larger size)

It’s a shame Chevrolet only manufactured their retro SSR (Super Sport Roadster) model between 2003 and 2006.  The used models can sell for upwards of $30,000.

I wasn’t able to find any pricing for this American Specialty Cars (ASC) version. ★