Not early enough to be “early in the morning.” Still in the “late night” gray area. It doesn’t matter. Bored is bored no matter the time of day.
There aren’t many things one can do at 1:17AM, and there aren’t many things doing anything at all. What a stupid thing to write. It won’t survive the final edit. I might as well have said: There are eight million stories in the big city, and this isn’t one of them.
And here come the tears. My right eye seems more susceptible to allergies than my left one. During these middle-of-the-night awakenings of mine, it always—always—decides to help relieve me of my boredom by leaking. It makes me look half sad. Hmmm… Maybe I am half sad. Maybe my right eye is the only part of me willing to admit that. I really hope that isn’t the case, though. I’ve also been called a smart ass, and I don’t even want to think what that would mean.
Of course, now I can’t not think about it.
Does that mean my ass is the most intelligent part of me? Or does it mean that my ass is so smart, it’s smarter than you (or a 5th grader)? When people tell me I’m talking out of my ass, I don’t get the feeling they’re particularly impressed by what I’ve just said. Then again, if my ass is talking above their head, I wouldn’t expect them to be.
Here’s a fun fact. I used the word “ass” four times in the previous paragraph and managed to slight more people than I know. And I did it without once calling any of them an ass. I must be channeling a politician.
Yeah, I know what you’re thinking: It took you 35 minutes to write that load of rubbish? Nope. I spent most of it staring at the words, amazed at what a pretty shade of blue they are. I also decided I like commas and the word “ass.”
Damn. I gotta change the color of my font.